Coping with crying

 The most common reasons for crying are:

• hunger
• a dirty or wet nappy
• tiredness
• wanting a cuddle
• wind
• being too hot or too cold
• boredom
• overstimulation

There may be times of the day when your baby tends to cry a lot and can’t be comforted. Early evening is the most common time for this to happen. This can be hard for you as it’s often the time when you’re most tired and least able to cope.

Try some of the following ways to comfort your baby. Some may be more effective than others:

• If you’re breastfeeding, let your baby suckle at your breast.
• If you’re bottle feeding, give your baby a dummy. Sterilise dummies as you would bottles. To avoid tooth decay don’t dip them in anything sweet. Some babies find their thumb instead.
• Later, some will use a bit of cloth as a comforter.
• Hold your baby or put them in a sling so that they’re close to you. Move about gently, sway and dance, talk to them and sing.
• Rock your baby backwards and forwards in the pram, or go out for a walk or a drive. Lots of babies like to sleep in cars. Even if they wake up again when you stop, at least you’ll have had a break.
• Find something for them to listen to or look at. This could be music on the radio, a CD, a rattle or a mobile above the cot.
• Try stroking your baby’s back firmly and rhythmically, holding them against you or lying face downwards on your lap. You could also undress your baby and massage them with baby oil, gently and firmly. Talk soothingly as you do it and keep the room warm enough. Some clinics run baby massage courses. For information, ask your midwife or health visitor.
• Try a warm bath. This calms some babies instantly, but makes others cry even more.
• Sometimes, rocking and singing can keep your baby awake. You might find that lying them down after a feed will help.
• Ask your pharmacist for advice.

Crying during feeds

Some babies cry and seem unsettled around the time of a feed. If you’re breastfeeding, you may find that improving your baby’s attachment helps them settle. You can go to a breastfeeding or drop-in centre and ask for help, or talk to your peer supporter or health visitor.

It may be that something you’re eating or drinking is affecting your baby. Some things will reach your milk within a few hours, while others may take 24 hours. All babies are different, and what affects one won’t necessarily affect yours. You might want to consider avoiding dairy products, chocolate, fruit squashes, diet drinks and drinks containing caffeine.

If this doesn’t work, try keeping a note of when the crying happens to see if there’s a pattern. Sometimes, crying during feeds can be a symptom of reflux (acid indigestion), which is relatively common in babies. Speak to your GP or health visitor for more information and advice.

Excessive crying

There are several reasons that can cause a baby to cry excessively. It can be exhausting if you've tried everything and nothing seems to comfort your baby.

Colic

Excessive crying could be a sign that your baby has colic. Everyone agrees that colic exists but no one knows what causes it. Some doctors think it’s a kind of stomach cramp. The crying sounds miserable and distressed, and stops for a moment or two, then starts up again, which suggests it could be caused by waves of stomach pain.

The crying can go on for some hours. There may be little you can do except try to comfort your baby and wait for the crying to pass.

Crying and illness

Although all babies cry sometimes, there are times when crying may be a sign of illness.

Listen for sudden changes in the pattern or sound of your baby’s crying. Often, there’ll be a simple explanation. For example, if you’ve been going out more than usual your baby might be overtired.

If they seem to have other symptoms, such as a high temperature, they may have an illness. Your baby may have something minor, such as a cold, or something treatable, such as reflux. If this is the case, contact your GP or health visitor.

Get medical attention as soon as you can if your baby:

• has a weak, high-pitched continuous cry
• seems floppy when you pick them up
• takes less than a third of their usual amount of fluids
• passes much less urine than usual
• vomits green fluid
• passes blood in their stools
• has a fever of 38°C or above (if they're less than three months old) or 39°C or above (if they're between three and six months)
• has a high temperature, but their hands and feet feel cold
• has a bulging fontanelle
• has had a fit
• turns blue, mottled or very pale
• has a stiff neck
• has difficulty breathing, breathes fast or grunts while breathing, or seems to be working hard to breathe (for example, sucking in under the ribcage)
• has a spotty purple-red rash anywhere on the body (this could be sign of meningitis)

If you think there’s something wrong, always follow your instincts and contact your GP or health visitor, or phone NHS Direct on 0845 4647. See Spotting the signs of illness for more information.

Getting help

If you’ve decided to talk to your health visitor or GP it can help if you keep a record of how often and when your baby cries. For example, this might be after every feed or during the evening. This can help your GP or health visitor to work out whether there is a particular cause for the crying.

Keeping a record can also help you identify the times when you need extra support. You could also think about possible changes to your routine. There may be times when you’re so tired and angry you feel like you can’t take any more. This happens to a lot of parents, so don’t be ashamed to ask for help.

If you don't have anyone who can take care of your baby for a short time and the crying is making you stressed, put your baby in their cot or pram, make sure they’re safe, close the door, go into another room and try to calm yourself down. Set a time limit (for example, 10 minutes) then go back.

Never shake your baby

No matter how frustrated you feel, you must never shake your baby. Shaking moves their head violently, and can cause bleeding and brain damage.

Talk to a friend, your health visitor or GP, or contact Cry-sis on 08451 228 669. They can put you in touch with other parents who’ve been in the same situation.